" Well, since you asked — yes, Ralph was bigger than you. And yes, it was exciting and all that. I mean, before we met I dated bigger guys, and it's...exciting to hold something that big, and to be stretched that way. But I'm never been a size queen like some of my friends. I think bigger is fun, but not always better. You suit me just fine." What really excited me about that night was not Ralph's size — well, not that by itself. What really excited me was getting picked up, and going to bed with. We left the river and got to my place about 15 minutes later and by this time, we were feeling pretty cold. Both of us decided to get in bed together to watch tv and try to warm up. I was too shy to be without a shirt while she was around cause I have a less than perfect chest. I laid there in bed in boxers and a t-shirt waiting for her to finish in the bathroom. The next thing I hear is a knock on my bedroom door, so I tell her to come in. Before my very eyes, she sat in her chair wearing. He was somewhat disappointed when I did not respond, in an enthusiastic way. After he had popped the question I just sat and stared at him, pondering how best to answer."What's wrong sweetheart I thought you said you loved me... or perhaps that was just last night... now it's different in the light of day"I grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "No... no, nothing like that... you said the words I wanted to hear... it's just... it's... well..." I struggled to find the words or courage. Kissing him wouldn't make me a fag at all. Not like if I kissed some big, hairy guy with a beard! Fuck! That would be so gross, I'd puke! I'd shoot myself before I ever did that!But Brandon didn't have any hair at all, just that soft, golden hair on his head, just long enough to curl around his slender shoulders. Girly hair. Fag hair! That's what Brandon had and it looked so good with his bright blue eyes and small, pouting mouth. I couldn't believe I'd never noticed that before, the way his.
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